scars

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote that “it is foolish to pretend that one is fully recovered from a disappointed passion. Such wounds always leave a scar.” I read this several weeks ago, and it hasn't left my mind. Perhaps I am lingering on things in life that I wanted to experience, to have sought after, to have fought for...

When we think about these disappointed passions, one often comes to the conclusion that such a dream is unrealistic, elusive...so unreachable that it's not considered an option; thus, the logic in our minds do not let us think so. Fear, reality, and the practicality of these passions require external (most of the time, material) things to even allow it to happen. In order to get to such passion, one must have built a bridge of these things to even touch it.

What I would give to just drop everything and chase those-- travel the world, move to a place that has nothing and giving my everything to them, coordinate beautiful events, play music, decorate homes, spend the thousands of dollars on equipment to see if I have the photography eye, hike mountains, go towards the disasters when everyone flees from them--as Longfellow suggested, it does leave a scar- in my case, an everlasting one. So, what else to do with these scars than get rid of them? Here's to building the bridges.

love you e,
love, t.

Monday, Monday

My encouragement for you today- take a moment, sit, & let yourself be.

[ Also, a little fact for you while I'm here... did you know that one small glass of cranberry juice (natural, unsweetened) has the same amount of antioxidants as three mugs of green tea? Not that I'm a health nut or anything, but I found it interesting. Also, for those that are health nuts-- my 89 year old Gram says that drinking coffee and milk several times a day has prolonged her life & has kept her healthy & strong. So, as much as I hate on coffee drinkers, you may be the ones in the right :) ]

love you e,
love, t.

miss ally

Today is a very special day for this lady. She has been planning this Night of Worship event for months. I wanted to honor her and her heart....and the fact that she will be attending HILLSONG COLLEGE in Australia where she will become the greatest worship leader of all time and marry Joel Houston. My friends are ridiculously beautiful and talented. That's all for today. Good luck tonight, Al.

love you e,

love t.

Grey Goose

So I got to sing last night... kind of...

I wrote a note on a napkin to this woman that said something along the lines of, "Can I please sing a song with you? Singing at a bar is on my bucket list! Please call T to the stage." After over an hour of waiting, she finally called me up. AND IT WAS AWESOME. Sadly, these blurry pics were the only ones that were taken.

The funniest part of this story is that they had me sing "I Gotta Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas.

Thank you to my dear friends that came to the dance floor to watch me humiliate myself.

love you e,

love, t.

to my ears

Music.

I melt at melodies and I am so MOVED by sounds/harmonies/combinations... I first discovered this when I would sit and listen to Gram play her piano (which is the one in the picture :) ) Artists that often have me melting are Noah Gundersen, The Head & The Heart, Cory Chisel & The Wandering Sons... to name a few...

Music has always been a part of my life, but I've never considered myself to be an amazing singer. I love to sing though, particularly harmony. I love quietly blending my voice into something bigger and louder and greater. Sounds SO strange, I know. But those parts are like icing on the cake to me.

I used to sing all the time, and I want to do it again. Church, for people, projects- I don't see these opportunities as much anymore. And "by golly" (a Gram phrase), I want to change that! So here's my plea: if you have anything or find anything- a band or project that needs a low, soft alto voice, or a tambourine, or cow bell, or a little piano (not GREAT at it, sadly)...please send it my way.  I WANT TO SING AGAIN!

In the mean time, if you feel like melting- click here & listen.

love you e,
love, t.

megs & mouse

Flight is booked for a weekend get-away to visit the beautiful world changing, Meaghan Crump in Orlando. And oh yeah....... I AM GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!

This picture was taken last night at Kelly Millspaugh's house of fun. Go ahead and laugh at it... I did.


Happy Tuesday everyone :)

love you e,
love, t.

anny

To my beautiful and loving parents, my Mooma and my Fajie:

Happy 35 years of marriage! Your commitment and unconditional love has provided a beautiful home and life for our family. Watching you two laugh and play is the most beautiful thing to see! Thank you for showing me how strong a marriage can be. Enjoy your day and I can't wait to see you in a couple weeks. 

love you e,

love, t. 

early bird

I walked to a cafe this morning to meet some friends of mine for breakfast. On my walk I realized how much I love the morning... the dew on the grass, watching the little birdies get their early worms, and the stillness and quietness that's in the air. I think I love waking up so early because I can hear myself think so well. I've always been teased about my sleeping habits... I can shamelessly say my sweet Gram goes to bed later than I do most nights. One I love dearly always teases me that I literally rise and fall with the sun, which now makes me smile. I like waking up and bonding with it on my way to work, or sitting with it as I plan out what I want to do with my day.

When I lived back at home, I would wake up and head down to the basement where I would find Gram drinking her coffee and watching the animals outside. Sometimes I would join her, or just watch her while she watched them. I was never sure why I loved sitting in that silence so much...but now, I do. The calmness and stillness is so inviting that I let myself sit in it as long as it lasts--for when the sun rises, it's off to the business of life that others are so quick to rush in to. My mornings are like the calm before the storm. I'll willingly loose some sleep so that I can enjoy that calm; perhaps you could too.

snapshots from the cafe----

love you e,

love, t. 

the other side

I recently attended a friend's show this week- the band is called Alanna Story- and all of their songs are stories from their experiences and struggles, and in the midst of those stories are words of hope and strength...encouragement to hold on, get through, look up... needless to say, their music is encouraging.

Anna was introducing one of their songs and shared the inspiration behind it which was her at her weakest, darkest moment of absolute brokenness and surrender; speaking of how in the moment, she had nothing left. She was empty. But to every dark moment is another side. Things do get better, things will change, and life will go on. It takes a choice and will of surrender.

I made the choice of surrender this week, and it hasn't been great so far; however, I have hope that there's another side to the darkness I'm feeling. I trust in that and I also trust in God to bring me there. So, thank you Anna and Ally, for the words you sing that touch people- that touch me. And also thank you to one that has wrestled through the choice with and beside me in love.

So, here's to the other side I will eventually see. Until then, strength for today and tomorrow.

love you e,
love, t.

Madison Renee

On October 3rd, I will become an Aunt to baby girl, Madison. WHAT?! When my sister called and told me she was pregnant, I bawled (shocking, I know). But I still have yet to grasp that my former hair pulling-neat freak physco that threatened me with butter knives to clean my room-DJ Tanner wanna be-Fila wearing-"I'm gonna start a band, and I'm playing electric"- older sis is going to be a MOTHER!?

Let me just tell you something you've heard a million times- time flies.

During her pregnancy, I've witnessed some really funny things that she'll say and do. For example, take a hormonal pregnant incident from her recent Vegas girls trip. All the girls were getting dressed for a night out on the town. Of course, being the biggest girl in the group at that point, she was feeling a little down about her weight. They comforted her and assured her, "No, Jess, you look pregnant and beautiful!" Her hopes were slightly lifted and they walked down to catch the trolley for dinner. As they were waiting, my pregnant, starving sister, took out a pack of Fig Newtons she had in her bag to hold her over until dinner time (I know, who eats Fig Newtons).

Then came the trolley, which happened to be full of drunk, bachelor party men. With my sister's friends all being beautiful (and all MARRIED), they, of course, approached them to get their mack on. After minutes of the cold shoulder from the girls, they muttered some curse words under their breath and began to retreat. However, one brave soldier deemed it appropriate to walk up to my pregnant, insecure sister to tell her, "You should really lay off the Fig Newtons." Down go the Fig Newtons to the ground in a pregnant, righteous rage, and off went Lisa (the feistiest one) to chase after the -excuse my French- asshole that said it. My poor hormonal sister just sat there and wept. Perhaps it was one of those "you had to be there moments," but my gosh... I still laugh thinking about it. I'm sure there will be more of these to come...just.you.wait.

ps. Gram made Jess and Steve their first baby blanket over two years ago (when they weren't even thinking about kids yet). Yes, she was absolutely hinting she was wanting a great grandchild from them. I guess the blanket worked...

Thanksgiving, 2008

pps. I cannot wait to hold the little one in my arms for the first time. Until then, I love you Maddie.


love you e,
love, t.

the inspiration behind the start

Meet Eleanor Eversole Cox.


Eleanor, or Gram as I call her, moved into my parent's home in Northern Virginia when I was almost ten years old. Her beloved, Eddy, had passed away from heart failure. After his passing, Gram grew lonesome in their Southern Roanoke mansion and my mother, as any good daughter would do, welcomed Gram into our home.
From that moment on, Gram became like a second mother to me. She picked my sister and I up from school, dance classes, swim practices... took us to friends' houses, the movies, etc. She was a big help to my mom in that both my parents worked full time jobs- she was able to be there for us when their careers wouldn't allow them to.

All that to say, we are as close as close can be. Recently, her 89 years caught up with her heart, leaving us in the hospital several weeks ago. With the doctors saying that it was time to say goodbye, all of the family flew home to see her. It was the worst moment of my life. Surgery was too risky, so they ended up shocking her heart--- miraculously, it did the trick and Gram is slowly getting back to herself again, at HOME. To say that she is a fighter is an understatement.

Thus brings me to this blog. After experiencing almost a full lifetime of lessons from Gram to watching her lay in a hospital bed, it has truly inspired me to cherish the mark she's left on me and to live everyday to it's fullest. I want to take the joy for life that she has given me and make memories with it. Hope you enjoy reading them as they unfold-- all with a pinch of Gram in between.



love you e,

love, t.